he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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