he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
