Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
