youre lurking in front of me
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
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You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
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Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We need to get me chipped asap
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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