I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
