I wish I could punch you in the face.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
