This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
