i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
