This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So vagazzling was a success
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
