how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
