the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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