My room smells like vodka and shame
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She needs sedatives and a leash
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
