Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
this boner is exhausting
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
