Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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