I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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