He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
