He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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