YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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