I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
