Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
