I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
