I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Someone shattered a urinal.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
