so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
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Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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