I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
