There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
