Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
