I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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