Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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