i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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