You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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