When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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