I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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