OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
