My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
