It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
