and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
