Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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