What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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