Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
