i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
