Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
