He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
