He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Text me some of your sweat
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