K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
