He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
