why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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