3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
