he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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