i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
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We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
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In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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