in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
