Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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