So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
