Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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