you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
