she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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