Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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