You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
