We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
