i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
