Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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