You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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