I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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