I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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