The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
