Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
