the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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