I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
