yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she pinky promised me she was 18
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
