We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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