**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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