nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
