Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
