she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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