She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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