I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
