I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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