There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
