there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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