He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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