one two three fourrrrnication!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
