69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
When are your genitals available?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
