its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
we're so committed to being not committed
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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