Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
