I feel great
I just peed on a car
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
