Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
