WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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