and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
