omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
