i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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