shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We were destined to go to rehab together
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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