I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
