I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
